Now, I'll tell ya a tale bust yer heart That only a few knew, ta start It all place when our concert tour was booked at the SeaTac Hilton? guarantee ev'ry word's the Gospel truth Got ta prove it, too, 'Cause we all with a fella by the name a' Milton
Now was o-fficial tour director, Electrical piano-playin' plug An' the travel conductor That we seen in our lives He'd say "Whaddya mean, ya need rest? "The world don't care ya look yer best! "Simply show up at six A.M. with your instruments ...and your wives!"
in sorta of "Bringing In The Sheaves" way] Shall we gather at the
always arrive in the nick a' time A good five minutes ahead a' flight A-lookin' like been drug through a needle's eye He'd there, stoned and about ta choke On his Egg McMuffin an' his Coke An' he'd throw all the tickets on the counter and say "Check the and let's fly!" "Well, whaddya mean, this is too weight? "We got forty-six pieces a' freight! "And if it don't go, who's gonna it to our fan club in Tacoma?"
all get embarassed an' head for the plane While stood there, bein' profane But he always managed ta get on board ...in sort of a coma
When the drinks were up yonder...
Well, we deplaned at th' end All the seemed to commence again Though Milton had ordered three station wagons, a truck and a limo And though he'd phoned to that Number Two Cussin' an' fussin' an' blue always end up with two Datsoons and a Pinto
Now Milton took all a' stuff in stride Laid on the floor, an' an' cried But we always looked up to him for hope and But we'd sink to the a' trav'lers hell When check us in a remote motel And he'd the clerk by his shirt an' tie an' say "Whaddya mean, reservacines?"
Milton's bolder...
shut himself in room one-oh-four Let nobody in he swept the floor the lampshade, aligned the TV, fixed the faucet, called the promoter "Well, whaddya mean we're the warmup "You're puttin' me on! stars, ya know! "And this ain't the way we was last summer at Six Flags Over Dakota! "Now we gotta have a percent top billing, "Two-thirds in advance, a' course, you silly! "I'm sure we prefer a chauffered and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please. "I'm what? Well, so's wife! She's not? Well, to each his own. "Beg pardon, stick it in my what? Well, really, who?"
William Morris, us working...
Now, Milton was a real good a' mine An' we'd stuck together on down that But there was one or two over which we just had to dee-bate Like Is not necessarily an assurance the crowd ain't gonna start throwin' tomatas An' when ya arrive at for a five o'clock show An' the stage ain't built an' there's no all ya could do is sit on yer butt an' cut bait However, you give ol' Milton four strong bodies, a grand, a beer and a cigarette An' you just that show was gonna be ...outta state
Bringing in the in the bread...
Now one night up there in We didn't get paid for a we'd done An' poor ol' Milton couldn't live that; his brain just shorted out. Well, he locked himself in the An' then when he didn't out for an hour an' a half We that somethin' was wrong, but we had to remove all doubt We stood transfixed in and horror When we busted that there bathroom door And I hope I never see a sight like that again; no, I There was to do but close our eyes, an' bow our heads, an' vocalize With a five-part acapella hymn, for him
What a we had in Milton...
Now gettin' ready, come next December To put another tour together And I'm sad to say ol' ain't a-gonna be with us No, it ain't gonna be exactly the When they us without his name So Milton, wherever you are, we you miss us! See, Milton has moved on the road Over the rainbow, for gold Yeah, he's up there the stage lights is always on But we can't forget that curly When we saw him a-settin' there Holdin' his tambourine, suckin' his thumb, an' sound on the john